Wah?! Sa Utado?

Sometimes, hakuna. 

There is a level of surrender you reach when you realize there is nothing you can do about a situation. Sometimes you get to this level through an incident, sometimes it's an epiphany, sometimes it finds you hopeless in the pits of rock bottom and I believe at other times, the grace of God shines so bright you just see it. I don't know what that feeling is called, a mix of serenity, hope, non-expectation and a generous sprinkle of delusion. 

I lost my phone and it was graciously returned three weeks ago. A few minutes before the phone went missing, in a moment of ignorance, the pandering rain and the chaos of a closing shop at Bargain, I had accidentally bought airtime equivalent to the amount of money I was supposed to send the grain vendor. 

When I realized what had happened, I tried to call both service providers to reverse the transaction but they just threw the blame back and forth like a teargas cannister on Maandamano Mondays. 

Now that the boat had sailed, I paid the correct vendor as I waited for my cab to get there. As date would have it, said cab driver was not going to show up, so as I went to look for a second option in a tuktuk, my phone got pick pocketed. 

Nothing that two things that could have gone wrong already had, my well of disappointment had run dry. 

So I proceeded to borrow my sister's phone to lock my financial accounts, we called another cab and headed home. All this time, I was feeling like I was watching everything happening to someone else. 

My sister kept insisting that we call my phone, but I genuinely believed the it's newest owner was already forwarding memes. On the fifth call, someone answered. Our meme forwarder had apparently dropped the phone and a nice old lady had picked it up. 

Long story short, I recovered my phone even though I had to wait two whole weeks to get my Mpesa online thanks to new service provider policies and all. 

Let me tell you Maina, two weeks is a long time to be financially grounded. Over this period, I had to rely heavily on friends and family to come through. It helps that I was sick for most of it and didn't really go anywhere. 

Since that day weeks ago, I think I unlocked my wah! Sa utado? Premium prescription. I take time to assess a situation before reacting. Can I help? Can I change it? Can I do something to mitigate it? Am I mad? Keke do you love me? Small small questions to help assess if this is worth shitting bricks over. If not, ikuje vile iko. 

I have come to realize there is so little I have control over and sometimes it sucks but there is nothing I can do about it. Maybe a lot more of letting go and letting God is the only way things can actually make sense.